Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.
D. H. Lawrence

This week has been horrible.

On top of having computer issues and the worse cramps since the birthing of RoseMary's baby, my depression and anxiety has been
in full swing this week.

I have had it so under control for quite awhile that I am just so pissed off at myself for letting myself go back into that pit.

I have been going through the same old cycles I haven't seen in quite awhile..

My brain is telling me that I am worthless, ugly, a waste of a life, talentless, and useless.
It tells me that anything I try will fail because that is what my life is all about. One bout after another of personal defeat, and that it is all my fault due to my own neglect.

My anxieties are kicking creating illusions that my death is near, or that I will never be loved, will end up jobless, homeless, alone and defeated..

I have been constantly crying and just trying to stay strong and talk my mind out of it's delusions...

I am the queen of masks. I can come across strong when I feel like breaking, pretty when I feel like the ugliest girl ever created, and kind when all I do is hate and envy people who were given strong happy minds and easy lives.

I feel better enough now to write this down, and it feels good to just see the words that make me aware that I am on top of this and it doesn't control me like it used to, and that makes me stronger...












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Joi Carey-Portrait/Fine Art Photographer
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